When Angry, Do Not Sin

I have just finished reading yet another article from a Christian source suggesting we need to confront conflict in order to resolve it. It said in short that if we don't resolve the conflict, it will fester and build up steam until we explode and someone gets burnt.

I would suggest another resolution to this situation.

Quite some time ago, early in my Christian walk, a book was suggested to me called, "Make Anger Your Ally." I was aggrivated with the book from the beginning, as the author began by describing the various methods by which people deal with their anger. He did not mince words while telling the reader each of these methods was rooted in selfishness. Then I read it. He said somewhere near 95% of the time we are angry it is because we are not getting our own way. How dare he?! I was so angry I threw the book and did not read it again for a very, very long time.

But it stuck in my craw, as they say. I began to examine the situations in which I was angry and ask myself, "Truly, am I angry right now because I am not getting my own way?" Indeed, the answer 95% of the time was, "Yes."

I could not escape the truth.

There are certainly times we should expect to "get our own way." For example, when we are dealing with our children, we are right to expect them to obey us. We are responsible for their safety and for teaching them and therefore, we must have first time obedience. If we are in a position of authority in the workplace, we should be able to expect our subordinates to comply with orders.

However, in every situation where we are the subordinate, we do not have the right to expect our demands to be obeyed. If we are cranky, it is generally because we are not getting our own way. And, one must ask one's self, "Why do I feel that I have the need or the right to impose my will in this situation?"

Generally speaking, these articles relate to marriage. Therefore, it seems to me the heart of the issue is whether one accepts their position in marriage.  The Bible tells us clearly to subordinate ourselves to our husbands. (Ephesians 5:22, 24; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1 among others) In other places we are admonished to submit to the Lord. If we are submitted to the Lord, we will live according to His Word, and His Word tells wives to submit to their husbands. Ergo, if we are not submitted to our husbands, we are not truly submitted to God.

I have not yet mastered this concept myself, however I do scratch my head in wonder at believing women who counsel other women that it is advisable to ignore the Lord in this.  We have as example, the countless times the Israelites refused to submit to the authority of the Lord. We have in Jesus' own words that the one who loves Him will obey Him (John 14:15). He clearly takes authority and submission seriously. So who are we to dimiss this when we are angry about something? Could this be, at least in part, that to which He was referring when He said not to sin in our anger? "When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down." (Ephesians 4:26)
 Pause in writing, because....

Quite literally, even as I write this, I am helping my children to resolve an interpersonal conflict because each wants their own way. I ask them each why they feel they should have their own way. I ask them why they feel they have the right to expect to get their own way. And then I remind them that we are instructed to esteem others higher than ourselves. Who is willing to be the kinder person? Rose relents, but is still angry. I remind her she is submitting but with a wrong heart and unpure motives, she needs to let the anger go. "HOW!?" she whines emphatically. ("Lord, give me the wisdom I lack in this moment, because I fail at this daily!" I pray quickly and silently.) And then the words come from somewhere within... "Whatever is kind, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, think on these things." So we go through the mental exercise of recounting things that make us happy. Satisfied and happier, she goes back to play.

Perhaps next time will be a bit easier for me, as well?