When Angry, Do Not Sin

I have just finished reading yet another article from a Christian source suggesting we need to confront conflict in order to resolve it. It said in short that if we don't resolve the conflict, it will fester and build up steam until we explode and someone gets burnt.

I would suggest another resolution to this situation.

Quite some time ago, early in my Christian walk, a book was suggested to me called, "Make Anger Your Ally." I was aggrivated with the book from the beginning, as the author began by describing the various methods by which people deal with their anger. He did not mince words while telling the reader each of these methods was rooted in selfishness. Then I read it. He said somewhere near 95% of the time we are angry it is because we are not getting our own way. How dare he?! I was so angry I threw the book and did not read it again for a very, very long time.

But it stuck in my craw, as they say. I began to examine the situations in which I was angry and ask myself, "Truly, am I angry right now because I am not getting my own way?" Indeed, the answer 95% of the time was, "Yes."

I could not escape the truth.

There are certainly times we should expect to "get our own way." For example, when we are dealing with our children, we are right to expect them to obey us. We are responsible for their safety and for teaching them and therefore, we must have first time obedience. If we are in a position of authority in the workplace, we should be able to expect our subordinates to comply with orders.

However, in every situation where we are the subordinate, we do not have the right to expect our demands to be obeyed. If we are cranky, it is generally because we are not getting our own way. And, one must ask one's self, "Why do I feel that I have the need or the right to impose my will in this situation?"

Generally speaking, these articles relate to marriage. Therefore, it seems to me the heart of the issue is whether one accepts their position in marriage.  The Bible tells us clearly to subordinate ourselves to our husbands. (Ephesians 5:22, 24; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1 among others) In other places we are admonished to submit to the Lord. If we are submitted to the Lord, we will live according to His Word, and His Word tells wives to submit to their husbands. Ergo, if we are not submitted to our husbands, we are not truly submitted to God.

I have not yet mastered this concept myself, however I do scratch my head in wonder at believing women who counsel other women that it is advisable to ignore the Lord in this.  We have as example, the countless times the Israelites refused to submit to the authority of the Lord. We have in Jesus' own words that the one who loves Him will obey Him (John 14:15). He clearly takes authority and submission seriously. So who are we to dimiss this when we are angry about something? Could this be, at least in part, that to which He was referring when He said not to sin in our anger? "When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down." (Ephesians 4:26)
 Pause in writing, because....

Quite literally, even as I write this, I am helping my children to resolve an interpersonal conflict because each wants their own way. I ask them each why they feel they should have their own way. I ask them why they feel they have the right to expect to get their own way. And then I remind them that we are instructed to esteem others higher than ourselves. Who is willing to be the kinder person? Rose relents, but is still angry. I remind her she is submitting but with a wrong heart and unpure motives, she needs to let the anger go. "HOW!?" she whines emphatically. ("Lord, give me the wisdom I lack in this moment, because I fail at this daily!" I pray quickly and silently.) And then the words come from somewhere within... "Whatever is kind, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, think on these things." So we go through the mental exercise of recounting things that make us happy. Satisfied and happier, she goes back to play.

Perhaps next time will be a bit easier for me, as well?

Love of the Brethren

Throughout the Old and New Testaments we are called to holy living. (see Lev 11:44-45, 19:2, 20:7&8; and 1 Peter 1:16 among others) We are told repeatedly that God expects this of us, if we call Him “Lord.” (1 Peter 1:17, for example)

Hebrews 10 tells us that we are made holy through the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. Here Paul tells us that “by one offering He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified,” thereby indicating that we are justified immediately, but that sanctification is a process.

We are to remain pure and holy once we have been cleansed. But how? Our instruction fills the New Testament. But, what I find interesting is that in the above referenced passages which speak directly to our living holy lives, these verses are followed immediately by exhortation to loving the brethren.  For example, in the Hebrews 10 passage, we are told that because of our having been sprinkled with the blood, we may enter boldly to the Holy of Holies with a clear conscience and a body purified by living water. Immediately thereafter we are told to hold fast to our faith and to consider how we may stir up one another to love and good deeds.

In 1 Peter 1 we are exhorted that as obedient children we should be holy in all our conduct since we have been redeemed not by corruptible things, but by the precious blood of Christ so that our faith and hope are in God. Immediately this is followed by, “Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, ²³ having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever.”

We are charged again and again to obey and to love. Three times in John 14 Jesus tells us that if we love Him we will obey Him.  And we are commanded to love the brethren. By this outsiders will know that we are His disciples.

Taken together then, we are commanded to live holy and sanctified lives. We are holy because of the sacrificial death and resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ. If we have accepted His redemption by faith, then we have been purchased by the incorruptible blood which has purified us and made us holy, sanctified to Him. If we Have been sanctified and made pure, then we are to live holy lives of obedience. And Biblical precident says that if we are to live holy lives of obedience, then we must love the brethren and consider how we may stir one another up to love and good deeds.

So, I ask you, in what ways do we as born-again, Bible-believing Christians stir one another on to love and good deeds?

I was astounded recently, when a fellow Christian informed me that my child does not need to make a “project” of being friends with another child whom the adults assume to be a challenge.  

We have been raising our children since they were toddlers to go out of their way to make sure others do not feel excluded. If they see a new person in class who might be shy, they have been taught to go say hello and introduce themselves, and perhaps introduce them to their friends.  They are not allowed to leave out any of their siblings in games or play, including even the baby.  

How would I explain to my child that it is appropriate for her to not care if this particular child feels left out of “the brethren” if it is a challenge to be their friend?  Is that really what we want to teach our young people?  Could it be that this lack of love for the “difficult” is what outsiders see when they look at us? "By this they will know that you are My disciples that you have love one for another."  We are no different than the world when we tell our children they can choose to be obedient only when it is easy and sit out when becomes a bit more taxing.

This is a lesson for us all, not just the children. How often do we reach out to love the unlovely? I was challenged in this by the Lord through prayer at one point. Later, after I had made a half-hearted attempt, I held up my “accomplishment” to the Lord and was quickly brought down by the words, “You didn’t LOVE her. You tolerated her!”  Ouch! But, sadly, it was true.

I cannot say that I love and obey my Lord and my Savior, if I do not truly love the brethren - ALL of them.

Note: I do acknowledge that this is not the sum total of our call to holy living.  However, it is of great importance to the Lord, as seen by its placement in scripture.

Lessons for Us from Samson's Nazarite Vow

Part of the Nazarite bow was to not cut the hair! Why?

It was an outward symbol of the vow. It said to the world (physical and spiritual), "I am consecrated, set apart, and holy unto the Lord!" It was a sign of submission to the rigors of holy living to draw closer to the Lord.

Samson was to keep the Nazarite vow perpetually from his birth. In return he was given super-human strength, and with it the Lord intended to save the Israelites from oppression. But instead, he squandered his gift. He broke every part of the vow except the cutting of his hair, because he enjoyed his strength and he was aware that it was the key to it.

When the Lord calls us to holy living, He gives us rules to live by. If He could give Samson physical strength through not cutting his hair, is it no possible that He grants us spiritual strength when we commit to the same?  Not because of any intrinsic natural super-power in our hair, but rather God-given, grace-granted power for our commitment to submission to obedience to the Word of God?

Could it be that our hair really is the key?

Just as Samson became vulnerable to attack when he began the slippery-slope of sin, don't we often do the same?  He was to stay away from the defilement caused by death, and yet he killed a lion and tore out it's jaw-bone. Aren't each of us guilty of dead works? We do things for God and yet do them for the wrong motives  and then have the unmitigated poor taste to wield them as a weapon of our pride.

He was to avoid alcohol and yet it was alcohol that caused his judgment to be impaired.

He was not to lie with foreign women. How often do we step out into foreign lands and flirt with the world out there? Once there do we not make unholy unions with the forces there and then bring them back into our home via television? Internet? Customs and practices? And then we make excuses for not keeping pure. But, all the while we keep the outward vesture of our strength.

How like Samson we truly are! Failures on and all, unable to keep even the smallest vow if it proves inconvenient, while making a show of our strength.  What shame! In the end he was a blind captive.

And yet, God's Word proves him to be a man of faith.  He didn't attain "first-tier" commendation in the Hall of Faith (Hebrews 11), but Paul did include his name in verse 32, telling us that if he had time, he would have also extolled the virtue of Samson's faith.

This is encouragement to us! We fail over and over. We compromise with the world and with sin. We do not remain holy. And yet...God can use us in a mighty way!

Thank You Father! Praise You, o Lord, for Your steadfast love and mercy. Thank you for chastisement for sin. Thank You for loving us through it and restoring us after it. Thank you Father for hidden strength and call to live holy and sanctified. Thank You for using even the most undeserving of us. Praise You God! Thank You for Your Word.